A Few Jokes

[Martin_D]

[Martin_D]

[wildbears]

You're in Jay Leno territory....

[Martin_D]

[802Mike]

[justjoe]

Yes, JB. Balloon knot is the same here.

[Doctor350]

Thanks Joe. I knew you could reply with a degree of certainty

[BillGsa]

[BillGsa]

[wildbears]

I went to an art museum recently where they had all the heads and arms in another museum.

[wildbears]

Just noticed one of my shirts lost a button hole.

[wildbears]

[EricM]

Damn glory holes are not what they use to be.

[wildbears]

A Scotsman moves to Canada and attends his first baseball game.
The first batter approaches the batters' box, takes a few swings and then hits a double.

Everyone is on their feet screaming "Run!!!"
The next batter hits a single.
The Scotsman listens as the crowd again cheers "RUN!! RUN!!".
The Scotsman is enjoying the game and begins screaming with the fans.
The fifth batter comes up and four balls go by,
The Umpire calls: "Walk."
The batter starts his slow trot to first base.
The Scot stands up and screams, "Run ye lazy bastard, run!"
The people around him begin laughing.
Embarrassed, the Scot sits back down.
A friendly fan notes the man's embarrassment, leans over and explains, "He can't run -- he has four balls."
The Scot stands up and screams: "Walk with pride, Laddie!"

[wildbears]

[wildbears]

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."

[802Mike]

[wildbears]

Sorry if this is a repeat.

[BillGsa]

[BillGsa]

[Martin_D]